Virtues Make the Best Valentines

Valentine’s Day is near and the scramble is on for flowers, gifts, cards, and of course, chocolates. Charles Shultz once said, “All you need is love, but a little chocolate now and then never hurts.” Can I get an Amen?

When it comes to love, courtship and romance, everyone searches for the right assortment of ways to express value and affection. Yet I would propose that the best assortment is not found in a box of chocolates (Forest Gump: “You never know what you’re gonna get”), but in an array of “fruit” that adds value and beauty to all who share. 

The fruit to which I am referring is a fresh and familiar assortment of virtues produced by the Holy Spirit in our lives as believers: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

These virtues offer enduring beauty in a world where vices have marred trust, and fueled injury and fear in relationships. 

In recent days, social networks and mainstream news have featured scandalous accusations and sensational revelations concerning a growing list of popular, powerful and prosperous men who are now identified by their vices and abuses toward women. Many of these men have suddenly and catastrophically lost their livelihoods, their families, and will forever bear a brand they had not previously displayed or owned. 

With this in mind, I have been reflecting on my own attitudes and praying for ways to challenge the men in my church to raise a new standard of virtue in their hearts and homes with regard to all women, but especially their wives. The word I put before them and want to share with you is a word, a virtue, now lost in a culture consumed with rights and void of responsibility. It is the word, respect. I believe most of out mates would affirm and agree respect is better than roses.

Respect is choosing to take responsibility for the attitudes and actions toward others. Respect is foundational in our relationship with God—“The fear of the LORD” (Proverbs 1:7)—and our relationships with others. Respect is at the core of what makes society, community, and family work.

How do we choose respect and express respect in our homes? May I offer an assortment of applications for you to read and share?

Live with her according to knowledge. In 1 Peter, husbands are instructed to show great honor and care for their wives based on what they know about them, not what they know about themselves. I am amazed how many men know more about cars, guns, games and teams than they do about their wives. When you value something (respect someone), you know what to do to promote and protect them.

Look at her. Eye contact is a means of showing honor and respect. You know this with your kids, but what about showing this to your wife? She needs to be reminded you only have eyes for her!

Listen to her. If you are like me, I am prone to jump to conclusions in finishing her sentences, to offer an opinion before I have heard her line of thought or offer a solution. What your wife really needs is an open heart and a listening ear.

Lift her up in prayer and before others. Thank God for your wife and pray for her needs. Thank your wife in front of others and let them hear you echo her value to you and your home. Public cynicism and criticism are detrimental to any relationship. What you appreciate, appreciates.

Learn to love what she loves. Guys, we fake it when we are dating and prove it when we are married, don’t we? Don’t bait and switch. Find ways to do what she likes and learn to love what she loves. This will radiate respect.

Limit your schedule to include her. Nothing says, “I value and respect you,” more than making appointments to spend time together. Time is love and love takes time. 

Lean on her counsel. This is often difficult for men, yet it is the primary way to express respect through trust. If you are a pastor like me, you feel respected when people heed your counsel, and feel disrespected when they ignore you. The same is true at home.

Lend a hand to help her. When you help your wife with tasks, chores and responsibilities, you are saying, “Who you are and what you do matters to me!” 

Respect. Aretha Franklin sang about it (R-E-S-P-E-C-T) and we need a new generation of men to hear it, honor it and heed it.

Respect is better than roses, but don’t forget the roses.

Essential Discipleship

I read a lot of information and focus enormous amounts of energy and attention on what may be called "essentials" in ministry.

Of course, what we call "essential" must always be rooted in biblical instruction. For pastors, churches and all Christ-followers, there is no sole, single text with broader application or greater call to action than Matthew 28:18-20--the Great Commission. 

The Great Commission is the foundation of all ministry focus and formation. Here we meet the "disciple-making" mandate.

Yet, I often read and observe what seems to me to be a myoptic view of discipleship that focuses exclusively on the developmental efforts of current believers to lead or bring embryonic believers into greater maturity in Christ. That is, discipleship is synonymous with spiritual development.   

No doubt the end result of effective discipling investments is a follower whose life bears “observational obedience” (Matthew 28:20) to the commands of Christ. 

I believe a truly biblical model of discipleship requires three essential and integral dimensions:

1. Conversion. We must first observe that the starting point for any discipling model begins with the Great Commission. It is a sending mandate in and under the authority of the name of Jesus Christ to go with the gospel and sow gospel seeds in people groups around the world. Whatever this "make disciples" mandate means, it requires active and cooperative obedience on the part of existing believers to GO. Where? Everywhere. Who? All peoples. What? Bear witness to the name and fame of Christ.

We go bearing the seed of the gospel of which the fruit is evidenced in "baptismal" identification under the authority of the "name that is above every name" (Philippians 2:9). This is not a matter of church tradition or denomination, but rather the observable pattern of those who confessed conversion throughout the New Testament.

It should be noted the word “disciple” appears almost exclusively in the Gospels and Acts, but appears absent in the New Testament epistles focusing on spiritual growth and maturity. Why? Because the first essential component of disciple-making is the regenerative work of the Holy Spirit through the faithful proclamation of the gospel. 

The disciple-making process is not what happens after salvation; it is the very essence and evidence of faithful gospel witness. In other words, evangelism and discipleship are inseparable and are not competitive forces in the church or any model of ministry. All biblical evangelism is aimed at life-change evidenced in a "disciple" and all discipleship is dependent upon faithful gospel proclamation that leads to conversion. 

Disciple-making is not something we do with others for God after their conversion; it begins with God’s gracious work of intervention called salvation. God makes disciples when we go in faith and faithfulness to His command.

The result of gospel-bearing witness is life-changing followship of Jesus Christ.        

2. Formation. This is the most common point of identification within many contemporary discussions of discipleship. It is both personal and intentional in the life of individual Christ-followers and the church. 

No doubt it is "essential" that we give great attention and effort to spiritual formation in the lives of both new and continuing believers as we face and address life in all dimensions with the implications of gospel. 

Formation involves instruction, discipline, relationship, adversity, and more. Yet, this formation is dependent upon the initializing reality of an indwelling enabler, the Holy Spirit, who works to bring a Christ-bearing image in us. 

We encourage, support and surround one another for the purpose of deepening our understanding of gospel truth in life, and we instruct and challenge one another toward greater obedience as is the clear intent of biblical community within the church (Hebrews 10:23-25).

Biblically, spiritual formation is not a random process or an automatic outcome of believing faith. It is challenged through instruction, called out through mortification of the flesh, tested in affliction and commanded in the Great Commission itself: “…teaching them to observe all I have commanded you” (Matthew 28:20). Who? Those who have been marked in baptism as disciples “in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit” (Matthew 28:19).
     
3. Mission. In the end, discipleship is not an end in and of itself. It is a SEND! It is a journey of conversion and formation in faith that leads to faithful mission and participation in the disciple-making process.

An "essential" part of biblical discipleship is disciple-making with others. We are evangelists, mentors and missionaries. These are the essentials of any disciple-making strategy. 

Any view or ministry effort that seeks to isolate one component or pit these against one another as competitors within local church ministry misses the mark of “essential discipleship.”